Momtra

I am a good mom.
I am a good mom.
I am a good mom.

Even though I fed my kids hot dogs, peanut butter sandwiches and frozen veggies for dinner, I am a good mom.

Even though my children's nails and finger prints mark the inside of the front door from when I left the house in a horrid huff and escaped to the front porch and they tried desperately through crocodile tears and cries to get outside to me, I am a good mom.

Even though I was sure that if I heard yet another cry or whine I might forever begrudge myself for the awful thoughts I had, ("Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP! I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE! I'm going to punch the wall if you follow me around crying much longer! I'm going to vomit if I have to hear your mopey-mope-mope about NOTHING for another moment. STOP ITTTTT!!!!"), I am a good mom.

Right?

I am a good mom.
I am a good mom.
I am a good mom.

Even though I feel like a cruel, heartless dictator at times, I am a good mom.

Even though I open snacks at the store and feed them to my always-hungry children before I've even paid for said snacks, I am a good mom.

Even though I thought I might hurl the riding Mater ("My name's Mater. Kinda Like "Tuh-mater"... but without the "tuh" ") out the window if I had to step over his inconvenient parking spot one more time, I am a good mom.

Even though I had to ask Abby to turn off her closet light for the 53rd time, and had to ask Henry to stop hitting for the 276th time, I am a good mom.

Even though today I was not so sure that I'm a good mom, I am a good mom.

For all those things I didn't do and the many seemingly perfunctory tasks I did do, I am a good mom.

I admitted today that motherhood is many hours, and days, of not so pleasant stretches. Today, just today, after five years of parenthood, I realized this? Yes. With a large dose of honesty, frustration, exhaustion and blunt observation, yes. I'm allowing the dark side of mommyhood out of the guilty corners of my brain. Being a parent is eternally hard. Each of us has a different journey, some exponentially harder than others. My trying day might sound like a snooze in a lazy hammock to you. Although our paths differ, I believe that there is universality in the raw emotions evoked by parenthood.

Thankfully, these long stretches and dark emotions are punctuated by sweet hugs, snuggles, gleeful smiles, secrets, kisses and epiphanies. By the dusk-illuminated eyelashes of a child mesmerized by a book. Yes, there are many days that are epically better than this one.

I am a good mom because I love my children even when, well, even when today happens.

I am a good mom because I had to soak up LOTS of bath water from the floor and thought, "well, now I don't have to mop."

I am thankful that bedtime has passed, all children are fed, clean and slumbering in their beds, and I am on the other side of this day. I will continue to repeat my Momtra,

I am a good mom.
I am a good mom.
I am a good mom.