Tuesday, May 4, 2010

In A Blink

On Saturday night, I walked through Times Square. Yes, this past Saturday night. The Saturday night when an SUV was discovered, sitting near the Marriott Marquis, getting ready to detonate. Yup, that one.

Thankfully for me and thousands of others who sauntered, sped or lollygagged though Times Square, alert New Yorkers saw the abandoned, smoking Nissan Path Finder. The crude car bomb attempt, and the subsequent murders, were thwarted. Luckily, it seems as if the case is progressing.

That night, my two children spent a snug and comfy evening at home with a babysitter. That night, I walked through the warm Manhattan evening with Hubby and good friends. That night, my tangerine silk blouse fluttered in the spring air. That night, I sat in an open air bar, giddy with spring, and engaged in cold beer and thoughtful conversation. That night, one man thought that in order to prove some point, it might be best to kill people. That night, I could've walked right past a detonating car bomb and died.

My mind, instead of focusing on this possible brush with death, has joyfully focused on my rekindled awareness of my mortality. Sobering, yes, but hopeful. I have NO IDEA when I'm going to die. I can't control my death. Could be an exploding Nissan in Times Square. Could be ANYTHING.

Oddly, I feel calm and assured. My mantra has been reassured: Right now. Right. Here. Right. Now. I do not know when I'll depart this physical world. What I do know: I have right now. My silver lining lies therein: a powerful, if slightly morbid, catalyst to be fully present in the now. Ave Maria, burning candle, Twitter conversations, sound of Hubby's ice clinking in his glass. Sisal carpet under my toes. Mesmerizing flicker of my candle. Muffled barking of a neighbor's dog. Cool night breeze sifting through the open window, heralding my arrival to this moment.