So, outwardly I looked. Seeking accolades from my parents, teachers, friends, bosses, boyfriends, strangers walking down the street. I placed the fulcrum of my happiness under the lever of other's unpredictable cadences. Understandable, I guess, but in retrospect, not very smart. Not really smart at all.
One random smack or capricious whim could easily crumble me.
When I accomplished something, or reached a big goal, I looked to others to celebrate me. Not too surprisingly, looking for validation in exterior places littered my life with many disappointments. And ultimately left me empty. Because I so busily looked (and looked and looked and looked) for acclaim, I forgot to look within.
So. With careful recalibration and awareness, I stopped. I now rejoice and celebrate my wins and successes. If others want to join in (and bring presents), I'm certainly not going to stop them. But I own the celebration. It's critical for me...and I've realized, critical for my children. I want their compasses to encourage inward celebratory introspection rather than outward validation.
Recently, I met a huge goal of mine. So, after much mental high-fiving and giddy excitement, I drove myself to the store. I walked (maybe even strutted) into the jewelry department and located the necklace. The one I've coveted. Simplistically gorgeous, perfectly commemorating my success.
I bought that necklace. I wear it proudly. Everyday. It will forever remind me of my accomplishment. And, it will act as a talisman of this truth: that looking frantically for things outside ignores the wealth and bounty within...and leaves me with. out. anything.
When I accomplished something, or reached a big goal, I looked to others to celebrate me. Not too surprisingly, looking for validation in exterior places littered my life with many disappointments. And ultimately left me empty. Because I so busily looked (and looked and looked and looked) for acclaim, I forgot to look within.
So. With careful recalibration and awareness, I stopped. I now rejoice and celebrate my wins and successes. If others want to join in (and bring presents), I'm certainly not going to stop them. But I own the celebration. It's critical for me...and I've realized, critical for my children. I want their compasses to encourage inward celebratory introspection rather than outward validation.
Recently, I met a huge goal of mine. So, after much mental high-fiving and giddy excitement, I drove myself to the store. I walked (maybe even strutted) into the jewelry department and located the necklace. The one I've coveted. Simplistically gorgeous, perfectly commemorating my success.
I bought that necklace. I wear it proudly. Everyday. It will forever remind me of my accomplishment. And, it will act as a talisman of this truth: that looking frantically for things outside ignores the wealth and bounty within...and leaves me with. out. anything.
Every accolade I want and need comes from within.
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3 comments:
amen, lovely! And congrats on your big accomplishment and your new necklace. This is a fantastic and oh-so-true post.
Denise I am speechless. Speechless because the sincerity and truth of your words, but also because it feels as though you may be in my head. This I know so deeply, so truly. Your words have touched me more than I can easily express. Thank you my friend.
xo
I have never looked particularly for external affirmations and interestingly I see the same tendencies in my daughter. However, at the same time I have often failed to acknowledge or celebrate my own accomplishments. All kudos to you for seeking within and finding that affirmation of yourself. I hope you continue to wear that necklace with pride.
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