Showing posts with label dark. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dark. Show all posts

Friday, June 4, 2010

Fog.

Some days, for no seeming reason at all, it feels like I'm walking through a very foggy space. The fog is composed of valiant anxiety and palpitating angst. Tears threaten. But I don't know why. Just. Don't. Know. Uncertainty, tinged with desperation, also mingles in that fog. I can't see it, but I feel it. Heavy. Damp. Slightly dark. I can't see much. But my feelings heighten...when that fog descends, I simmer in doubt and unease.

I wonder, on days like these, like today, if this is a new iteration of my depression. Because I've lived with this for so long, I've gotten really smart and aware about the symptoms and how I need to live to achieve balance. But is my depression like a super-resistant bacterial strain that keeps morphing to ensure its existence?

This time, this foggy, damp time, occurs simultaneously with a glorious, geranium-filled June day. Huh. I just don't get it. No. Answers. So, I will trudge through the fog and know that it has a purpose. But I will grab a flashlight. A light to illuminate the necessity of this time, which will parlay into the next. The next more seasoned, more enlightened time.